I was overmedicated on mixed psychoactives (in plain English, my doctors had me on too many pills for CRPS) and, at the beginning of February, I ditched most of them. The following weeks were pretty hideous in an interesting way, as my brain’s natural chemistry struggled with the messy extrication and departure of the pharmaceuticals.
It feels like washing my dirty laundry to say this, but I suspect I’m being too finicky: LOTS of people get overmedicated by well-meaning medicos who don’t talk to each other.
The pills I stopped were SSRIs and SNRIs. (I can’t remember which was which.) The upside to this class of medication is that it specifically relieves nerve pain, in addition to helping lift depression. (I wrote an article, buried in my archives, about the tiny handful of neurotransmitters, and how each one has many jobs. Serotonin, for instance, helps digest protein in the gut; dopamine mediates decisions. I’ll dig it out and post it on the Biowizardry blog.)
When you have CRPS and you’re overmedicated on neurotransmitter Reuptake Inhibitors (of whatever flavor), your brain is in the toilet and there’s no way to tell which mental blurch is due to drugs and which one is CRPS. I couldn’t always tell how well I was thinking, though I kept trying anyway. Perceiving how I felt underneath it all was like trying to determine the shape of a bomb while it’s still in the box. I was usually clear about what I remembered and what I wasn’t sure about… but just try getting anyone to believe you when they already know that your brain is not firing on all four cylinders.
There’s a lot of grey area in the grey matter, when you’re overmedicated and have CRPS.
I’m not sure how much more crap there is to clear out, but I know I’m a lot clearer about what’s going on right now. I look back on the past two years with some dismay, as I try to rebuild the relationships I dented, and (most painfully) try to understand why those who should have known better had simply abandoned me to that foggy night.
[photo credit http://www.flickr.com/photos/jfraissi/2165047274/]
I am remarkably clear, now, about what I remember and what is nothing but a sudden hole in my mind. I’m clear about whether I can think right now or not. I’m able to feel the brain crank up and crank down, so I can communicate to others, “I can do this!” or “Gotta stop now!” And, for the first time in years, I can get something done on some sort of schedule. Not a consistent or reliable schedule, not to any sort of clock, but just to know that I CAN do something is quite a step. I’ll take it and be thankful!
I still have CRPS. My medication is still problematic. I still have sudden, random, Swiss-cheese-like holes in my memory and cognition. BUT — and it’s a big but! — there is no grey area in my grey matter any more. I know if I know, and I know if I don’t know.
And that’s information I intend to use.