Whether it’s an illness they don’t understand, or a dangerous human interaction problem of a kind they have never had to deal with, for many, if it’s outside their sphere of experience the comfortable, self-comforting thing is to minimize. Much less scary that way, and they are spared the potential sense of responsibility to give aid that true empathy might burden them with. Much easier to think that the problem can’t be as bad as it is, or that some kind of easy answer exists, or someone else is going to deal with it removing any uncomfortable onus from their shoulders… “You just need to get out of the house/exercise/focus on other things/etc more”… “I’m sure it will all blow over soon.”… “You need to see a psychiatrist/physiotherapist/priest/etc”… “Are there no workhouses? Are there no prisons?”
‘Tis the nature of the (human)beast. And oh, yeah, I agree; take a walk in my mocs for a mile or two… then we’ll see how you feel about your own advice.”
Thinking of you, and hoping the coming year brings all manner of good to you my brilliant, loving friend.
I think there’s also an element of “there but for the grace of god go I” — distancing themselves from the person with the situation, is a way (emotionally, at least) of distancing themselves from having such a situation happen to them. As if CRPS or whatnot were contagious. /sigh/
crps or no, this is perfect for anyone living with a hidden disability.
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Whether it’s an illness they don’t understand, or a dangerous human interaction problem of a kind they have never had to deal with, for many, if it’s outside their sphere of experience the comfortable, self-comforting thing is to minimize. Much less scary that way, and they are spared the potential sense of responsibility to give aid that true empathy might burden them with. Much easier to think that the problem can’t be as bad as it is, or that some kind of easy answer exists, or someone else is going to deal with it removing any uncomfortable onus from their shoulders… “You just need to get out of the house/exercise/focus on other things/etc more”… “I’m sure it will all blow over soon.”… “You need to see a psychiatrist/physiotherapist/priest/etc”… “Are there no workhouses? Are there no prisons?”
‘Tis the nature of the (human)beast. And oh, yeah, I agree; take a walk in my mocs for a mile or two… then we’ll see how you feel about your own advice.”
Thinking of you, and hoping the coming year brings all manner of good to you my brilliant, loving friend.
It’s blaming the victim. So much easier somehow than acknowledging that sometimes life sucks.
Yes to all of these insights.
I think there’s also an element of “there but for the grace of god go I” — distancing themselves from the person with the situation, is a way (emotionally, at least) of distancing themselves from having such a situation happen to them. As if CRPS or whatnot were contagious. /sigh/
Acerebral, but very human.