The responses to this seemed to come through a blissed-out narcotic haze. I’m afraid I administered the verbal Narcan. Surprised? 🙂
I’ve counseled too many rape victims and abuse survivors, and treated far too many accident victims, to hold the belief that bad things happen to us as part of a greater plan — let alone that it’s for our own good.
Bad things happen, full stop. As living humans, we take our chances in the world; sometimes it works out for us, sometimes it doesn’t.
If we grow and learn and become stronger, then it’s because of how we chose to deal with it and what we could bring to bear — not because some faceless force thought it would be interesting and valuable to cause us so much agony, because — of all counter-logical reasons — it loves us.
I aim to find a way to become free of CRPS. Nevertheless, I perceive that the skills, the inward peace, the strength, the poise I’ve developed in coping with these unimaginable challenges over so many years, have certainly made me something I never would’ve reached without it.
I thoroughly honor the brilliance, creativity and strength that my comrades with CRPS bring to their lives. It’s breathtaking to belong to such a select group — although the cost of membership is a little high.
It’s a special disease: agonizing, rare, destructive, poorly researched, underfunded, extremely long-lasting, and — most special of all — widely believed to be hysterical in nature. The challenges it poses are distinctive and seemingly endless.
After eight years with it, I’m proud of myself and I even care about myself, even though I can accomplish so much less than before. 8 1/2 years ago, I felt that I had to earn my right to even breathe.
The credit for all that growth goes to innate qualities, my excellent friends (some of whom I’m related to), and a handful of gifted clinicians.
The causal lines are very clear: hard work, relentless study, determination, safe places to stay, loving words, wise ideas, needed gifts, perfect loans, valid diagnoses, key treatments — these are what gave me strength and let me grow and learn.
It’s been painstakingly pointed out to me that I have the friends I’ve earned. I’m not sure any mortal deserves such friends as mine, but I’m glad of them all the same.
Cold chronic CRPS and all that goes with it… Part of a plan? What plan? Whose bloody plan? I want the bastard’s address! And so does my army.
Plan is a four letter word.
I will never forget the days and nights and years of desperate prayer, with nothing but silence coming back. The goodness, the help, the peace, these all came from other people and my own work. The natural results of many extraordinary efforts.
Inflicting this kind of agony and loss “for your own good” would be absolutely unthinkable for a conscious, caring being of any kind. Moreover, to have the power of withholding destruction and pain, and to fail to do so, is quintessentially evil.
I’m a theist, but I don’t see deity as a psychopathic abuser — as something that would clobber me for the fun of it, or be persuaded to stop the beating if I figured out the right things to say.
Moreover, I can really see why people would be atheists. Without quantum physics to make sense of things, deity is an indefensible concept. With quantum physics, I’m certain of three things:
We ARE a permanent part of something greater. It IS aware, omniscient, and ubiquitous.
Its job is not to screw things up, but to notice, communicate, and keep flowing. That’s it.
Nothing else agrees with the evidence.
It’s not intrusive, manipulative or evil. It can’t be, because it doesn’t possess the mechanisms.
Not to kill the buzz or anything 🙂
Whatever belief system works for you, use it! Just remember, there’s more than one path to personal salvation — or whatever your metaphor is — but very few of them get discussed, because of the ancient hegemony that a few groups have held over religious and spiritual expression. Let’s open the world up a bit.
All too often, the power of human connection is mentioned only as an afterthought. In practice, I’ve found nothing more important when the chips are down.
I no longer pray for help. I ask.
Because beliefs vary, it’s important to give a voice to those who find the traditional idea of our helpless subjection to a greater will to be the opposite of comforting. We don’t get much airtime, but we still find peace, strength and grace.
Just not in that particular idea. Thank God.